How to Recognize Your Date Is Not Interested in You

Some time ago I found out the man I had crush on was gay. What? Really? But how? He was sooo flirting with me!

Apparently everybody knew he is gay but me. For two years I occupied myself with him, imagining how it would be if we were together, fantasizing about having sex with him. I was giving him fleeting glances. I laughed at his not-so-funny jokes. When I passed by him I “unintentionally” touched his shoulder. I was making subtle advances and I even invited him to a drink, which is something I have never ever done before.

I was sure we had chemistry together. We flirted up to one point and then everything stopped. And again. And again. I was confused and sad because our romance didn’t move forward. I had to use all the techniques from my self-help tool box to compose myself after yet another disappointment.

I did mention that was going on for about two years, didn’t I?

He was probably just nice and it was me who read his signals wrong. I mean, it would be great if he told me he was gay so I wouldn’t bother him anymore, but it would be even better if I could identify the signs that he was not interested in me. It would have saved me an immense amount of pain, anxiety and emotional turmoil. And time, of course.

What Are the Signs? 

It is important to recognize whether a person is interested in you or not in order to avoid all hardships and embarrassment. So, how to do that? How can you recognize the signs of a person you are interested in not being interested in you?

They don’t ask any questions about your family.

Whether you like it or not your family takes a huge part of your life. It is the family that shaped you into the person you are today. If your date doesn’t ask anything about your family, they are not interested in who you are.   

They show no interest in your aspirations, dreams, or hobbies.

In reality the opposites don’t attract for the long run. That is why questions about your aspirations, dreams and hobbies are so important. They reveal whether you too are compatible. And if a person is genuinely interested in you, he or she would want to know as much as they can about these aspects of your life.

They don’t even pretend to like your pets.

You love your pets and treat them as family members. When your date doesn’t make an effort to at least pretend to like your pets that is a clear sign of a person who doesn’t care about what is important to you. Would you even want to hang out with somebody who doesn’t adore those puppy-dog eyes?

When you start to talk about your problems, they change the subject. They have no difficulty talking about their problems in detail, though.

People don’t want to hear moaning and groaning on dates, I get it. But if at the same time they moan and groan themselves, you can bet you are on a date with a self-absorbed person. And they will continue to be so also in the relationship.

They never compliment you.

When we are in love, or at least want to impress someone we put them on pedestal. If your date never compliments or praises you he or she probably doesn’t think much of you. But be sure to distinguish between genuine compliments and the sleazy ones.


In my experience, even the first sign alone is more than enough to indicate whether your date is interested in you or not. The biggest challenge, however, is to comply with the advice and look for love elsewhere. If we like the person we tend to disregard these signs hoping they will go away.

I’m sorry to tell you they won’t. But that is a good thing, really. If you pay attention to the signs of your date not being interested in you, you can quickly identify them and stop wasting your time. It is far better to devote it to persons who are truly interested in you.


How do you pinpoint whether your date is interested in you or not? Share your tactics with us in comments below. 



  1. The one way I knew my husband was interested was when we were hanging out in a big group and a ball got stuck on top of this really high place and I wanted the ball. Nobody would get it but this guy (who later turned out to be my husband) grabbed a later and climbed up there. Even though I knew he was deathly afraid of heights!!

  2. This is funny because I once liked a boy who I didn’t know was a gay. The moment I realized he was one, and that there was no way he wanted to be straight, I just moved on. =)

  3. I’d also add a cautionary note that it may seem like your date isn’t interested but it could be that they are very shy or scared. Believe me, if my husband and I hadn’t figured that out we wouldn’t be where we are today!

    • I definitely agree, Lisa. In my experience two years is long enough even for the shyest person to come out of their shell and show at least some interest.

  4. I agree with all of these, and I know I’ve had several failed dates because of things like this. They were those “we thought we’d hit it off but we totally didn’t” situations, and nobody got their feelings hurt so it’s all good.

    On another note, I’m SO dense when it comes to figuring out someone likes me. About three months into dating my now live-in boyfriend, I had to ask him if he liked me and if I was his girlfriend. He looked at me like I was crazy. LOL

    – Hannah,

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