How to Escape the Singles’ Loop of Despair

I was browsing through one of the FB dating groups the other day. I do that now and then to see whether something has changed since I was looking to meet someone online. In case you are wondering, it hasn’t changed a bit for the last 15 years.

As I was perusing the posts, I was amazed how people represent themselves to potential mates. They are working really hard to… STAY SINGLE!

“Cmon, Nina, you’re being dramatic. It can’t be that bad, can it?” you stop me with doubt in your voice.

Oh, no? Read this!


What People Post in Dating Groups

A man was trying as best as he could to begin a conversation with all the ladies, but none of them responded. Why? He had a blood on his face on his profile picture! Yuck!! 

Or a woman who claimed she wanted “a serious relationship, a good husband, and no nonsense and games.” Ok, fair enough. But… (there’s always a but, huh?) She was provocatively dressed and posed on her profile picture. She got tons of attention, but a serious relationship with a good husband? I don’t think so!

A lot of people in online dating world set themselves to failure with their introduction posts. They say something like this: “Hi, I’m Joe. Are there any real women here, or am I wasting my time?” Not the best catch line in the world…


Yeah, see my point now? What is happening is that all this people are trapped in the Singles’ Loop of Despair and they don’t even realize it.

” OK, OK, you are talking so much about the loop, but never reveal how to escape it!” Your discontent is stirring up.

I hear you.


How to Escape the Loop

“Yeah, all right, but with what kind of action? I’ve tried everything already!”

I’m glad you’ve asked, my lovely. OK, here it goes. In order to escape the loop, you have to:

  1. avoid negative influence
  2. clear limiting beliefs
  3. transform unpleasant emotions.

Easy as pie!


Avoid Negative Influence

They say that as much as 90% of our self-talk is negative. Is it really necessary to load even more of that poison in our minds from outer influence? In my book 7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore I elaborated extensively on effects of toxic people and news on your body and mind, but what can you do to avoid it?

Ditch all toxic people and news! 

At least limit your exposure to them. No excuses, though. I know from my experience you can skip them all together. And this is coming from a person who watched news at least three times a day. I’ve survived.


Clear limiting beliefs

This one will take some time and effort. For a start, you have to identify what your limiting beliefs are. Easier said than done, I know. Here are some statements that will help you discover your limiting beliefs. Fill in the blanks as honestly as you can even if it’s hard to read that. And don’t forget to write your answers on a piece of paper. You will need them later.

So, here are the statements:

  1. I’m single because _______________________________________________________________.
  2. Speaking bout love, my mother/father always said _______________________________________________________________.
  3. Relationships are _______________________________________________________________.
  4. Good men/women are _______________________________________________________________.
  5. Being single at my age means _______________________________________________________________.

Now read the following statements and notice your first responses. Write them down as well.

  1. I deserve to be loved.
  2. I will find a good mate some day.
  3. People love me.

The answers that you put down on a paper and are not supporting you are limiting beliefs. You have to deal with them one by one. There are a lot of tools that can help you to overcome your limiting beliefs. I personally use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), but you can try any other technique or method that suits you best.


Transform Unpleasant Emotions

Are you wallowing in sadness, or lingering in resentment or anger? These and other unpleasant emotions don’t help you to find a date, and you don’t feel peachy either. So why would you hold on to them?  Besides, who would want to date a grumpy old hag? No one! Even you wouldn’t…

You don’t have to jump from feeling blue to happy happy rosy everything-is-fine feeling right away. You can’t do that anyway. If you would it would be a lie. But you can improve your mood one step at a time. Just one small step at a time is all that you need. For example, you can watch kittens or puppies funny videos on Youtube. You can go on a drink with a friend. Play with your pet. Dance. Work out. Go to nature. Work out in nature. Whatever lifts your spirit! But it has to be genuine. Partying and drinking all night is out of the question!

If you are really down and you feel like crying (or already are) try the following trick. Smile as wide as you can. You don’t have to think about some joyful events or situations. Just physically smile. You can’t smile and cry at the same time.


Have you noticed that what I’ve just told you have nothing to do with some dating secrets or tips on how to attract a perfect partner? That is because those tips won’t help you escape from the Singles’ Loop of Despair. Only dealing with underlying issues that are messing up your love life will. Yes, this is a hard way, but it is a sure one.

So, what is your first step to becoming a happy single? Because remember

Happy singles happy relationships. Click To Tweet


Share your first step in the comments below. Do you have any other suggestions on how to escape the loop? 




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