As you might noticed I’ve added a new column to the site – Your Questions. You can ask me about your relationship struggles or dating dilemma and me and other readers will answer your question or offer you our insights.
Here is what Angele wrote to me:
I have been reading your blog from time to time and I have decided to email you with a question. I broke up with my boyfriend not that long ago – it was not a very nice break-up and I have this question now.
What do you think, The problem is that if I will talk to him again, the first thing I wanna say is what an asshole he’s been so I am not sure if that is nice. Even though I really would like to yell at him and tell him he’s a dick for leaving me 🙂 And the second option I just find very depressing in general 🙂
So I would love to hear your thoughts on that.
Thank you for reading my blog and for your question. In a way you’ve already answered it yourself.
You’re asking whether you should stay friends with your ex boyfriend, but at the same time you say you want to yell at him and tell him what an asshole he’s been and that he’s a dick for leaving you. That is not the way you treat your friends, is it?
Obviously it is too soon for you to be friends with him. The break up was hard and you didn’t heal from it yet. Give yourself time to process what happened and get over it. Don’t rush into something that evokes unpleasant feelings in you. Our job is to take care of ourselves, nobody else will.Do what pleases you not what upsets you. Click To Tweet
If you want to tell him how much he hurt you write him a letter (not an email, a letter). That is a wonderful technique to let unpleasant emotions out of your way. Then you can choose to post the letter or not. It’s up to you.
Sometimes we have to let other people go, Angele. They were a part of our life, but our paths separated. There is nothing wrong with that. Actually, I’m a big proponent of letting go of toxic people. They don’t even have to be toxic. If you are not feeling good around them then it’s better to ditch them all together. That doesn’t mean you have to be happy happy around them all the time. No. But if they constantly evoke unpleasant feelings or memories in you, why would you want to hang out with them?
In time you two can become friends, but only if both of you get over past experiences and heartache.
I wish you all the best and keep in touch, Angele!