Melanie was washing the dishes while Bill was outside washing her car. She sighted quietly. Emptiness in her eyes revealed she was not happy with the relationship. “Cars! He loves those freaking cars more than me! He always talks about them. I don’t care if he changed the damn alternator. I don’t even know what that is! He never says he loves me… Just cars, cars, cars… Did he ever love me?”
In the meantime Bill was carefully wiping Melanie’s car. He was absorbed in thought too. She was so moody lately, and on several occasions she snapped at him for no reason. No reason at all! “I love her so much, but I don’t get what got into her. She complained yesterday her car is dirty, so I will wash it. Maybe that will cheer her up.”
Are you confused? I sure was. How could two people who love each other be on the verge of a break up? What was going on?
They Speak Different Love Languages
Just recently I have read a book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. Have you heard of it?
The book suggests people “speak” five love languages, and by that the author means how we show love and how we receive it. The idea is simple: Different people express love in different ways. In order to succeed in love you have to learn different love languages and apply the knowledge in everyday life.
Melanie and Bill clearly spoke different love languages, but what are they?
The 5 Love Languages
According to Gary Chapman there are five ways of expressing and receiving love. They are:
- words of affirmation (you express and receive love through words)
- acts of service (you do things for your partner, and want him/her to do things for you too)
- receiving gifts (you show love by giving gifts, and you are assured of your partner’s love by receiving gifts)
- quality time (you express and receive love by spending time with your partner)
- physical touch (you express and receive love by physical touch, like cuddling, sex, etc.)
If partners speak different language, as Melanie and Bill are, they assume the other doesn’t love them enough, even thought that is not true. For example, Bill’s way of showing his love is by doing things for Melanie, like washing her car, or running an errand for her, doing the thing she really hates. He speaks the second language – acts of service. But Melanie speaks the first language – words of affirmation. She thinks Bill loves her only when he says “I love you” and alike at least once a day.
Not Knowing the Languages Can Hurt You
As it is in Melanie’s and Bill’s case, not knowing the languages or misinterpreting them can lead to serious problems, discontent and even break ups. Therefore, it is vital to know, what love language do you speak and what love language your significant other speaks.Do you know what love language do you speak? with @DrGaryChapman Click To Tweet
“But Nina, I’m single, remember? How can I use this knowledge if I’m not even in a relationship?”
Don’t worry. You can apply the concept of the five love languages to any relationship, including dating relationships or relationships with parents, coworkers, or friends. In fact, Gary Chapman didn’t forget about you, savvy singles. His book The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition was written just for you.
As it is explained on the Amazon book page, The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition will help you
- Discover the missing ingredient in past relationships
- Learn how to communicate love in a way that can transform any relationship
- Grow closer to the people you care about the most
- Understand why you may not feel loved by those who genuinely care about you
- Gain the courage to deeply express your emotions and affection to others.
… knowing love languages is essential in building and maintaining loving relationships. You really can’t afford not to learn about them. That is why I have studied the book, took the test, and urged my partner to take it as well. I found out we speak almost the same language. ALMOST! And that little difference could mean whether we would make it or break it. If only Melanie and Bill would know about the languages, too.
So, my beautiful reader, go to the website, take the test and share your thoughts in the comments below!