love-languages

What Love Languages Do You Speak


Melanie was washing the dishes while Bill was outside washing her car. She sighted quietly. Emptiness in her eyes revealed she was not happy with the relationship. “Cars! He loves those freaking cars more than me! He always talks about them. I don’t care if he changed the damn alternator. I don’t even know what that is! He never says he loves me… Just cars, cars, cars… Did he ever love me?”

In the meantime Bill was carefully wiping Melanie’s car. He was absorbed in thought too. She was so moody lately, and on several occasions she snapped  at him for no reason. No reason at all! “I love her so much, but I don’t get what got into her. She complained yesterday her car is dirty, so I will wash it. Maybe that will cheer her up.”

Are you confused? I sure was. How could two people who love each other be on the verge of a break up? What was going on?

 

They Speak Different Love Languages

Just recently I have read a book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. Have you heard of it?

The book suggests people “speak” five love languages, and by that the author means how we show love and how we receive it. The idea is simple: Different people express love in different ways. In order to succeed in love you have to learn different love languages and apply the knowledge in everyday life.

Melanie and Bill clearly spoke different love languages, but what are they?

 

The 5 Love Languages

According to Gary Chapman there are five ways of expressing and receiving love. They are:

  1. words of affirmation (you express and receive love through words)
  2. acts of service (you do things for your partner, and want him/her to do things for you too)
  3. receiving gifts (you show love by giving gifts, and you are assured of your partner’s love by receiving gifts)
  4. quality time (you express and receive love by spending time with your partner)
  5. physical touch (you express and receive love by physical touch, like cuddling, sex, etc.)

If partners speak different language, as Melanie and Bill are, they assume the other doesn’t love them enough, even thought that is not true. For example, Bill’s way of showing his love is by doing things for Melanie, like washing her car, or running an errand for her, doing the thing she really hates. He speaks the second language – acts of service. But Melanie speaks the first language – words of affirmation. She thinks Bill loves her only when he says “I love you” and alike at least once a day.

 

Not Knowing the Languages Can Hurt You

As it is in Melanie’s and Bill’s case, not knowing the languages or misinterpreting them can lead to serious problems, discontent and even break ups. Therefore, it is vital to know, what love language do you speak and what love language your significant other speaks.

Do you know what love language do you speak? with @DrGaryChapman Click To Tweet

“But Nina, I’m single, remember? How can I use this knowledge if I’m not even in a relationship?”

Don’t worry. You can apply the concept of the five love languages to any relationship, including dating relationships or relationships with parents, coworkers, or friends. In fact, Gary Chapman didn’t forget about you, savvy singles. His book The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition was written just for you. 

As it is explained  on the Amazon book page, The 5 Love Languages Singles Edition will help you

  • Discover the missing ingredient in past relationships
  • Learn how to communicate love in a way that can transform any relationship
  • Grow closer to the people you care about the most
  • Understand why you may not feel loved by those who genuinely care about you
  • Gain the courage to deeply express your emotions and affection to others.

 

In Conclusion…

… knowing love languages is essential in building and maintaining loving relationships. You really can’t afford not to learn about them. That is why I have studied the book, took the test, and urged my partner to take it as well. I found out we speak almost the same language. ALMOST! And that little difference could mean whether we would make it or break it. If only Melanie and Bill would know about the languages, too.

Discover what your love language is here.

 

So, my beautiful reader, go to the website, take the test and share your thoughts in the comments below!

 

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22 Comments

  1. This is such a “why didn’t I think of that before” moment! I have Janet Jackson’s song “What have you done for me lately” in my mind while I’m realizing, you have to maybe take it down a notch and see that maybe they’ve been doing things for you out of love this whole time. Pinned to my “Love” board to help others!

    • So simple, yet powerful concept, and we often forget about it. It helps to refresh our memory from time to time, doesn’t it? Thank you for the pin! I appreciate it.

  2. My husband and I (of course) speak two different languages. When we worked with a coach and learned about the love languages, I was like, WHAT??? Love this and can totally appreciate it.

  3. I am such a form believer in this. I learned about love languages over a decade ago and it has helped me so much. Knowing my kids love languages helps with our relationships. My son is like me, physical touch. My daughter’s is quality time. I am not a sitter but she always wants me to sit with her. So I do knowing how important it is.

  4. Interesting. I feel like my partner and I speak more than 1 love language each, which I guess is a good thing. Did the book discuss that?

    • Yes, you can speak several love languages. I’m bilingual too.

      But not only that, you both can speak the same language but different dialect, which again can lead to a problem. Let’s say, you use his credit card to buy stuff for yourself, but you are unhappy because he never “gives” you anything. Really interesting!

  5. Learnt quite alot today here Nina.
    I now get things better.
    This is so true …. people speak different languages of love … some show it some say it all in all is their way of expressing it and if you know this languages ..one ends up fighting for nothing.

    Thank you Nina very informative post.

  6. This is fascinating! It reminds me of an essay I read where the guy talked about how upset his wife would be if he didn’t clear up the glasses and dishes from his workspace. They would get into raging fights over something seemingly so small. What he eventually realized was it had nothing to do with the dishes. What made his wife feel loved and cared for was having someone do the dishes without being asked. He learned to start doing things like this, even though to him they had nothing to do with how much he loved her. He just had to learn her language, it seems! 🙂

    • This is exactly where I see a tremendous value of the concept. You learn your partner’s (or somebody elses) love language and you do that, because you know that is what the other person want. Thank you, Jenna!

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