So, you are shy. And?
“What do you mean, and?” you mumble in discontent.
What does it mean that you are shy? How does it show in your life? How does it show in your relationships and with your dating efforts? Think about it.
I see you don’t know how to talk to a boy or a girl you like. You are afraid to even approach them. What is the worst thing that could happen to you? He/she could laugh at you? He/she could say no?
But what if he/she says yes? Did you ever consider that as an option?
Listen, I understand you. I was shy, too. Whenever I set my eyes on a boy my shyness kicked in. I was secretly longing for him, observing him from a distance and obsessing why I’m not such and such so that he would notice me.
If he approached me for some reason I played it cool like nothing is happening. But in fact, I was bursting inside! My mind was racing and waves of heat flooded my entire body.
I never showed that to the boy. Oh, no! I was too shy for that. If I would told him, he would know I liked him. Then he could laugh at me and tell everybody I was in love with him. I would be their laughing stock, a school or an office joke. I certainly had to prevent that humiliation.
I did. I wasn’t a laughing stock, because nobody knew about my crush.
Guess what else?
It was like that until I was 35. Oh, yeah, I was practically single until then. That can happen when you use your shyness as an excuse not to pursue your dreams and actively search for love.
So that the same wouldn’t happen to you, let us look at what shyness even is.
As American Psychological Association put it, shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, worried or tense during social encounters, especially with unfamiliar people. According to Merriam-Webster you are shy, when you are:
: feeling nervous and uncomfortable about meeting and talking to people
: showing that you are nervous and uncomfortable about meeting and talking to people
: tending to avoid something because of nervousness, fear, dislike, etc.
Sounds like you?
“Can I overcome it?” you whisper, so that I can barely hear you.
Of course! Here are some ideas how to wipe it out of your life.
Build your confidence.
“Oh, really? Don’t you think I would already do that if it would be so easy?” you snap at me.
Ok, ok, but did you already do something, anything about that? No?
Well, you are right. You can’t build your confidence if you don’t even start. It is a process and it takes a while until you get there. But you have to start. Take the first step, no matter how small.
Shift your thinking.
“I’m not negative. I just say as it is.”
Yeah, and where did that way of thinking get you? Nowhere, so maybe it is time to try something new. It is time for thinking positively. Try it for a while and observe what happens. You could still return to moaning and groaning if you find out it serves you better.
Learn how to think more positively here.
“Are you serious!?” The horror in your eyes is staggering.
Don’t panic, though. Again, you don’t have to run to your crush right away and reveal your feelings to him/her. Practise first.
Action cures fears and shyness. The more you do something, the better you get at it. And the better you get at it, the less fearful you are about it. Dating is no exception. Yes, of course you will also get rejected, but don’t let that little detail stop you.
Start with flirting. Here is what I’m proposing in my book 7 Daily Habits for Singles Not to Be Single Anymore:
Your endeavours don’t even have to be some big acts of shameless enticement. Rather, I suggest they be subtle, delicate acts of gentle teasing. Don’t make it too obvious. That way is more fun for both sides. You don’t want to be a creepy weirdo who scares everybody away, do you?
Smile at a person who passes you by on a street, compliment a colleague’s new shirt. When you talk with a cute acquaintance, subtly touch his or her shoulder. Create opportunities to practise flirting. Register to online dating sites, attend events or get-togethers, engage in conversations, or ask someone to go on a drink with you. It doesn’t matter what you do. Even if it is just a teeny weeny act of amorous advance, do it.
In fact, I dare you. I dare you to take up a challenge. The Single to Mingle Challenge! Every single day in the next three weeks carry out one simple act of flirting. Do whatever you want, however you want it, as long as it still feels nice. But remember, you do have to stretch out of your comfort zone a little. Staying there brought you nowhere, so it is time to step it up.
Hiding behind corners won’t help you overcome your shyness. I’m sorry but you will have to put yourself out there.
Or you can simply bunk it, as my once shy Indian friend put it.
Doing the work you can expect wonderful things to appear. I cheer for you!